Sunday, February 16, 2014

One other thing...

I have been hesitant to really write anything personal on this blog. The online community can be a very vicious space at times. In recent struggles I have felt the need to reach out to others to let them know they are not alone and to help me realize I am not alone.  I suffer from chronic depression. This is something I have always tried to be open about but I still worry about opening up about. There are so many misunderstandings about depression and that word is used for an array of issues. 

For many people it can come as a surprise that it is something I struggle with on a daily basis. I was diagnosed at the age 16. I remember feeling a huge relief when a diagnosis was given. Finally, there was a reason I felt the way I had for the majority of my life. More than anything I received hope that day. Hope that I could leave the dark place I had lived for so long. There is so much I have lived and learned in my almost 30 years of battle with this disease and so much more I’m sure I will share but I won’t get into too many details for the moment. 

I have come a long way in the past decade or so but becoming a wife and a mother presents challenges that are difficult to most. Many things I will talk about on this blog will relate to my role as Mommy as it is the most dominant one in my life at the moment. My blog name stems from the continuous struggles I have and will continue to have. Many of them I am sure will sound similar to struggles every mother has but for me it is an even more exhausting battle to fight. At the base of almost everything I do is first the battle of my “depression” and then on top of that the task at hand. 

The main focus for this blog is my life, what I am working on and what I am doing. This will range from a recipe I just tried to how I got out of bed that morning but since my first post I felt the need to be a little more specific on what else I have to survive. I have no idea how to start this conversation but here it is. I don’t know how many people will ever read this blog but if there is anyone else out there that needs a support please don’t hesitate to contact me! 

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Survival for the Rest of Us

I originally started a blog a while ago to keep track of different recipes I had tried, changed, and liked. You are welcome to check it out here: http://acrazikitchen.blogspot.com/, but just so you know the three post that are on there now are likely to be the only ones there. 

I've decided since, that I needed a different type of blog. I wanted something that I could post whatever I wanted. I have been spending months lately a little to obsessed with trying to come up with the perfect preschool curriculum for my 2 ½ year old, but wouldn't it be great to share what I have found just in case there is at least one other lunatic out there looking for the same thing I am? 

I have also, recently been designing (very poorly) my own printables to use for things when weeks of being glued to my computer have not turned up the results I was looking for. Maybe, I should have a place to share those just in case there is just one more person just like me who wants them too. 

Now in recent conversation I have had a friend convince me to share more of my life experiences, struggles, and how I make it through. I have always tried to be very open about my life but taking it to a place where I might not properly say what I am trying to say makes me a little nervous. I have a deep rooted anxiety of being misunderstood but I love bouncing around ideas and learning from others. 

So here it is my disclaimer; I suck at grammar and spelling, and even writing most days. I am only an expert in my own life and experiences (okay not really). Do not take what I say as fact (and recommend doing this for everything else you hear), take what seems right to you and feel free to share your thoughts. I may post once a year or once a day, don’t expect consistency. All I ask to those few people that will read my blog is try to be open, understanding and non-judgmental and I promise to do the same. There will never be one right way of thinking, believing and living. Welcome and enjoy the ramblings…